Friday, February 5, 2010

Choosing a spouse

In the name of Allah the Most Merciful the Compassionate
Notes on "Choosing a Spouse" by Shaykh Husain Abdul Sattar.

Importance of establishing a home, in the Qur'an a home is defined as a place of peace. That peace provides us with several benefits a) Protects us from fitna
Preserves our Deen

We control the home. We cannot go out and change the world when our own house is disorderly. First step in preparing the home is choosing a spouse. Who is going to be your partner to establish a home in the way you would want it. Prophet SAWS; not only advised people after or before to get married but how to choose a partner. Nothing in this world will be with you in the here after cars, money, masjid but your spouse will be with you permanently. Having a positive relationship. When your choosing a partner, your really choosing who is going to be a partner with you to please Allah (swt) to admit you in his gardens. There's a certain amount you can do a lone. But if you have a strong spouse if your down they can pick you up. And if they are down you can pick them up
If people are involved in the marriage are good, good will come of it. Peace, tranquility establish of a home a establish of deen. When looking at a person they're so complex. They have so many characteristics.
When choosing a spouse you should choose 4things.
the wealth
) look at the religion of the person.
The Prophet (SAWS) advised to simply the formula, the real thing you should look at is the religion. In the end that's the true wealth in the end that's the true lineage and in the end that's the true beauty. If the person is righteous their lineage will be taking back to the Sahabah, in the since that group of e people you will be raised up with. And you have family in this dunya (current life) and the members of the family will be all the believers and the Prophet will be the Father. True lineage does have some bearing.. and its important to look at that. But actually if you can look at Deen than it has its own lineage as well. Similarly the true wealth lies in Deen. Establishes for the individual
permanent bounties. Look at the beauty of a person, the body isn't permanent but the soul is. The beauty of the body will depend on the soul. The body will be beautiful because the soul will be beautiful. Beauty is something we judge in this world but the beauty of the religion is the most beautiful because its the permanent.
In this world there is a special noor that attracts the righteous. In the beginning you meet someone you interact with people with the body. Then later on you interact with the souls. In the end its the soul that matters. The Prophet (SAWS) is trying to high light there are some external things you can look at but the key is the soul. Another hadith, a righteous wife who can help you with your worldly and religious affairs is the best treasure anyone could have. She provides you benefit in both places, (this world &here after).
In another hadith the Prophet (SAWS) said each one of you have three things.
1. Each and every one of you should have a thankful heart. You are constantly thanking Allah (Swt). A benefit to a thankful heart is an increase to the individual. If you thank, Allah will increase you. Two times Allah increases you, when you have a lot and when you don't, i.e lacking in money. Do not complain but be thankful for what you have which subsequently will give you more. This goes a long the same line with the mental state of a person. Even with the deficiency of a person when a person doesn't quite fulfill in his Deen but still remain thankful. "Even though I missed prayer, Ya Allah thank you for allowing me to pray at a later time." To even have the mindset that prayer is important". And with that type of attitude Allah will help you, at times instead of thinking there's a dis connect in which shaytan wants you to think that.
2. A remembering tongue, Constantly the tongue should be remembering the person who feeds it. Allah will be quick to descend his blessing upon a person. Every time you use you tongue it should be in some way or form for Allahs sake. Never complain, only good that comes from it. Whether saying something good to a someone else its prohibiting something bad or raising the great name of Allah (SWT). Three ways we use our tongue and are all considered dhikr. 3. Strive for a believing wife. The type that help you get to the here after. A person will remind you when you're at a low stage.
The Prophet (SAWS) said don't pick a bad spouse. One of the elements of happiness is a righteous wife. When you see her you are pleased and you can trust her with your provisions when you are gone. One of the elements of a bad wife, is she makes you miserable and attacks you with her tongue. When you are gone you fear for your things. Attain the pinnacle in this life, is picking the proper spouse.
Two other things to regard.
1) For the people that aren't yet married, look for sincerity. If you see someone that's more righteous go for them do not put emphasis on the beauty or wealth of a person that has less piety. Apply it with sincerity, not just reflect and disregard it.
Strive to be righteous to get a righteous a spouse. Allah will provide for you, if you are sincere in a righteous thing. Be sincere and rectify yourself so Allah may make you amongst those who are better. Give us an opportunity to be those who are raised with our spouses on judgement and be admitted into Jennah.

May Allah allow us to strive and struggle for His cause in everything we do whether its knowledge or our own egos. And make us of those who not only receive the knowledge but implement it. Allahuma Ameen Ya Rab.


  1. Just wanted to share this:

    Bakr Bin Abdullah Al-Muzani is reported to have said:

    If you see someone older than you then respect him saying, ‘He has beaten me to Islam and righteous actions.’
    If you see someone younger than you then respect him saying to yourself, ‘I have beaten him in sins.’
    If the people honor you then say, ‘That is from the grace of Allah, but I do not deserve it.’ If they degrade you then say, ‘This happened as a consequence of a previous sin.’

    – Siyar Alam Al-Nubala of Imam Ad-Dhahabi

    and regarding to this statement:
    "Even though I missed prayer, Ya Allah thank you for allowing me to pray at a later time."

    It is truly true, we should be more careful not to miss our prayers and to make up our prayers as fast as possible since no one knows what the next minute holds for us apart from the All-Knowing Allah

    but we must also be cautious not to intentionally extend (without a good reason) our prayers at a later time as it will surely become a Hypocrite's prayer....Astaghfirullallah

  2. Thanks Sister, I did the research as well. I just found the above mentioned facts yesterday. They are really helpful in choosing a life partner. I really appreciate your post.

  3. 你所貫徹的形象,你喜愛它有多少百分比,你就幸福多少百分比..............................


Jazak Allah Khair =)